MyDream~

i received a call this evening...a call ladened with tears, sadness, disappointment and anger....
i'd taken medical leave for just nearly two weeks...only fourteen days...those unexpectable chunks really hit me hard...
for a moment, we are families, never to realize the hatred erupts only to reveal the true demonic self...
we all thought we were friends....until the evil letter sent off one of the members...
personally, i remained confuse of how the conflicts arranged themselves
the news seems a lil' absurd to be accepted, at least the described devil is not who i knew...
perhaps, judging the book from its cover ain't right all along
she called up again at night...half past twelve, to have a last "working supper"
i could justify from her  figure, i could sort out the hurt in her eyes, and for every smile, there lay fatal curses, to whoever it deserves...the regret....everything
i could not agree she's much a qualify superior to lead the team...but the facts told me that she was indeed a fairly nice, caring person...although she might act overly foolish, and lit up fires at times...
i bet she'll miss us more than everyone do...dinner, random gossips and....the work itself
the precious hectic, joyous fragments for all to value, together with random rubbishes to spice up the atmosphere
its really heart smithereen to observe the pearl drops sliding beyond her cheeks
life has too much to regret and blurry memories to hold
somehow,i wonder there's unseen arrangements from god beyond the horizon, that we'd just need to follow the ordered scenes
the already written fate from union, to parting...
thank you....

h!~

another new sem is being welcomed without myself wanting to greet its very arrival,
a pain, desperate tale to be told...
flashing back towards the slumber days...hadn't had archived much though, except...
two non intended, life-threatening Fs printed proudly on the examination slip...*sigh*
those are real black marks contributed to the tarnishing...owhhh~
one sem, three subjects, two fails~how fascinating?
thats a record you'll be trying so hard to break...an epic legend
ashamed...couldn't find a spot deep enough to bury my face beneath, distance away from the surface...
even god is throwing his shameful glance down on me....pitied..
those random hardworking are to be cloned once again... more consistent indeed
you can tell i'd already foreseen bits of "ear-breaking" disaster hitting somewhere around the atmosphere
very soon, just the matter of time for the intense larva to erupt and shifting land to quake my head off the neck
well, actually my life isn't too dull to describe
you see, i discovered the laden interest in reps and arachnids
well, adopting these tickies require special blends of courage+insanity+bravery
pretty cool huh...i just love them a lot...brilliant animals
they too make challenging companions...arent they??
dogs and cats are all way of outdated pets~we humans shouldn't be hesitating to bring the fun to the whole new level~yeah
thinking of expanding my collections further at any time..that ain't a real bad idea huh?
hmm... actually i've loaded the next target to maybe, random king snakes or sorts??
i guess the offer most probably will be running off the rail till my mum kill me no more...definitely a long marathon far from the terminal end~

hmm...what am i suppose to describe myself lately??~very free...but buzy
lazy till the last minute..thats what you can tell
events have been working out its changes since the initial of this semester
i learned up bunches of friendly figures here in this fairly new dorm
that something i'd lost...i gained back pieces of it eventually
not all of it...just that the appearance is no more similar
nothing is perfect though..the flow will not follow our direction very often
the days are doing pretty fine...just that there's "bugs" tingling in my mind
stuffs that i care much...but do not know what have to be done..
the fews that understand me well, will know what im trying to deliver
despair...the "fews" might had extincted...
how i oughted for a person to pour out my trues...the one that plays good listener well
somehow, the storyline developes its loneliness without owning any one of them
peoples always say,"hand over to god..he'll make your path.."
so now, can i pray to reveal a lil' that you'd carved out for me?
i need your assistance, to bless me over these mess..

最近很少回家了呢。。虽然有点想家

但是回到了那处却有种陌生

跟家人的关系比路人来的要差。。

误会随着距离慢慢的增长

见到爸妈总会跟他两交战一场

其实心底很不愿
我们各有自己的想法，各有自己的难处

面对这些事情总会很矛盾，压力。。

妈三番四次的问道。。问为什么你总是不回家，连电话都不打一通回来？

妈挂念儿子却又不能相见。。听了都有点心酸吧

心知他是想我好的。。但是自己却办不到，忍不住。。

话说多了就演变成恶作剧

明白到彼此的心都会很疼，真的不想

人就是犯贱的。。

小孩时就想出去看看世界，觉得家只是个比较大的笼子而已

成年了，遇到错则却不想去面对，选择逃避。。

想着想着。。从前那纯真的笑脸是多么的幸福
期望寻回遗失了的温暖。。

遗憾的，他已经掉了。。捡不回了

眼看见朋友们的家人都会探望自己的孩子，真的有少许羡慕呢
很好奇他们之间可以很亲切，笑笑的
有时候会令我回忆起很多很多“从前的故事”
怀念起爸妈送我的第一个把具枪，
大姐每我吃饭的情景，跟三四姐玩盲公盲婆的晚上，
这一切一切我都曾拥有。。只能怪自己没有好好的去珍惜，去捉紧
但是后悔不再是个问题了
有个朋友告诉我应该回家的，至少让父母看看你的脸孔，放下他们的思念
只是这几天发生的事情并不少。。很想说句
对不起。。

The Deviating Circle

tonight i went McD with a few very closed friends...that was quite surprising when they invite me so lately for supper...they seldom do, at least the tradition had been abandoned for ages..
somehow, the event turned out to be a lil' bit boring, less talking, less gossiping and less of everything..just very simple munchings and pressing cell phones
the soul and the excitation was not there...receeded and tired
its kinda weird to do something "downhill" between closed friends yea...that was like...(i do not know how to describe)..awkward
i could sense invisible wall between us...there on the wall wrote "keep a distance or i'll bite you"
the next thing i realized was..."i wish to return home sooner"
we don't usually act like that..i do not understand why stuffs just couldn't work out the way they supposed to be...and i ain't liking that
deep down, i pretty knew that i was a replacement material..
indeed, there was like an agreement in ourselves which do not allow us to appear simultaneously...either one
i might be a bit over sensitive but...i just feel thats not right..
they mentioned me to be "homey" lately...hmm.. i don't think that are true
just that, there's sorts of repulsive energy circulating between me and them
they are fine...but im the one who holds the conflict...
eventually, my mind developed resistant towards the gang..not wanting to interact much, not wanting to join and sometimes i have the feeling that it is unnecessary to entertain them..
i do not know what the hell, but they just exist in me and that, bother me much
actually, that was much expected...from the very second i'd clarified choices, the development of the story branches into different directions as well
those different directions signify that things will never be the same again, although we wish to..  
i guess humans do mature after going through the thicks...they learned from the pain..learned of the moral that promised the whole life..and they grow..that made us a different foundation kids we knew of...
maybe there shall come a time that we should all be apart, leading a life without each other, and when that moment arrived, maybe conditions will turn positive..never better

The Reunion~

Third trimester??Comes to an end...

Its the very last day to call after all those hectic war. very similar to any other groups, TZ18 planned themselves final reunion too~BBQ...
Of course...the atmosphere of this final seems to have much different from the initial ones...and it had much expected actually.
For some reasons, the naiveness, the smile, the face, the joys and the excitation that every member once posseses, had faded.We all act differently from the memories we had for each other.
While for myself, i'd been trying to be a livewire so hard all the while, trying to stir up the "hotness". I guess it may be kinda tired, and even get to be boring at times~
Somehow, complicated feels grabbed me... for this very small reunion dinner, really make myself first time, felt satisfied, felt undone, felt meaningless and a mix with bit of sorrow.
How disappointing for me to tell that~ there aint even a picture of the last moment of us gathering.
It's not usually like this..there used to be a group's private cameraman..he catches all those happy times..and all those significant smiles..and certainly, some naughty deeds included..even some small unseen details might sometimes,becomes the header..but..not anymore
Maybe he too feels tired or unnecessary.
A simple key to those complications~ we are not ourselves anymore.

Talking about group, TZ18 once was envied by many other groups..
The frequently discussed??
 your group was like a family~
my group members are so dead~
its fun,huh??

But yesterday, the direction of the wind had changed.. its my turn to throw random envy glances at them
I really enjoy watching them throwing water balls and splashing constantly..most important~fragments of memories was taken (i mean pictures)~
I so so hope that we will be nothing less..at least a lil' treat will make the day?
Flashes of the unforgettable strucked me. I recalled those times we had had..very much "live-lier" than them which now, had been turned into untold myths, ladened well inside us...i still prefer those times..a lot

Despite all that, some friends may actually gift you a pain reserved, nothing less than a stab in the fragile heart
He was the once a very best friend of mine, or brothers..but not anymore..not even a simplest friend we could be..and thats a real ebbing to be heard yea~
Indeed, people changed and grow..."welcome to life"

Anyhow, this group, these friends are still brilliant the way they are..
hmm..what i've like to say??regret was mere a word to me..
i still enjoy to be with them till the very last seconds..and its worthwhile...really do that, i can see, each of us treasures much these chain of friendship...never wanting to lose these valuables..